Well- if a girl only dated amazing dudes, there's also something up, cuz she's not with them. Basically there's always something up. Everywhere. With everything. I'm drinking barley tea now, and the damn thing is staring at me. It's in a cardboard 1 liter box, but I know it wants to blow me. But them I'm like, "Is it really that bad to be wanted by a 1 liter cardboard drink box?" And then I think of my rippling six pack and just think, "I prolly shouldn't be rubbing oil over my rippling, hard body at the office-- no wonder the barley tea is looking at me so erotically." But I realize it's part of life. Rubbing oil on the self and being imagination-molested by barley tea are all natural, very common aspects of everyday life. To deny this would make my kneepads look silly. Why kneepads? To keep the knees protected, of course. But then it's like, are the kneepads looking up at my crotch all the time?! Are they imagining that I'm a cute schoolgirl and that my skirt is too short? Am I giving my kneepads the wrong impression by wearing them? And then it's like, my barley tea and my kneepads look at each other, and I know now that they're thinking about having an orgy with me and some notepads. A violent orgy? Will they want to slit my wrists and fuck my arteries until I bleed-to-death-cum? But I know that orgasming with blood shooting from the wrists is basically a part of everyday life.

But also, I would say that if a girl is attractive, has awesome character, etc., but has dated literal douches- like made of plastic, actual douching instruments- I would say there is something about her character that you've yet to find out. And when you do find out, you will either be highly impressed and supportive, or be like "Oh FUCK" and realize how sane you've been your whole life, despite all the drugs and the past 15 years of your Weekly Wanking To Whoopi (Goldberg) Wednesdays.